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If…If only things were different. If only, I was able to predict the future then, if I knew this route was to take place. If only I knew that she will be further out of my reach now than ever before, which I will only be able to communicate with her as a friend. I sighed as the deep emotions were heaped onto me. We’re just bare past our twenties, and she’s already engaged and was bound to marry now. Right in front of my eyes, it is happening, and with me as the best man.
The fact that she is someone I knew in my school days makes me happy, glad, that someone like me is able to meet someone like her. I, too, like the dozens here, wished her the best in her marriage, yet my heart, twitches every single time she holds his hand, and hurt every second she is with him. Being the best man for this marriage can’t destroy my rationale more than anything else in this world.
“Hey Seline, I’ll go out for a smoke,”
“Yea, sure. But thanks for everything today. You know, I honestly can’t think of anyone as my best man other than you.” She said, with that enchanting smile of hers.
The best I can do is utter a quaint reply, looking away from her of course. The more I am to gaze at her, the more I feel that tears will fall from my eyes, but I strongly kept hold of my emotions as I walk towards the exterior of the church, looking for a tranquil place to calm down. And upon reaching, I realized how calming the sanctuary is. Peaceful, calming, and ever so understanding. It is as though it accepts my presence, and my agitation of not being able to be true to the love of my life. I sat there in the middle of the garden, reminiscing about the days from when I met her, till today.
“Hmm…Mmm…I see…You really loved her, didn’t you? But alas, the inferiority of yourself kept her away from you, and now she’s so far away from you, that no matter how much you struggle, you will still be unable to reach her. Quite a predicament, huh?”
I turned around immediately, trying to look for the source of the angelic voice. And to my surprise, I found a young girl, presumably in her tweens, in a cosplay of an angel. Wings, white clothes and everything.
“Huh? Who’re you?”
“Ah, me? I’m an angel sent from the Big Man upstairs. You see, He’s into love stories. And He just can’t help but notice the moody you here, sulking because the love of your life is with another man, just because you can’t buckle up, swallow your pride and ask her out during your prom. And now, she’s with another bloke who fulfills her every need, just because you’re too spineless to act. Get it?”
“Erm, wait. Allow me a few seconds to reorganize my feelings. You’re an angel here to…?”
“Well, to help you of course”
“Okayy…Give me a couple of minutes please. I need to calm down. The girl I had a crush on for these past 5 years are going to get married in a few hours, and I’m here talking to an angel. Huh, I guess I’ve finally snapped. Ha, that must be it”
SMACK! She slapped me in the face.
“Get over it, Tugg! Believe it or not, I’m here to help you, whether you want it or not. I might not look like it, but I’m a busy angel. There’s 5 couples I have to bless in the evenings, a person I have to protect as a guardian angel to, and finally the “happy hour” with my colleagues once the day is over. So, can’t you just…what’re you doin??”
The angel grabbed the photo of Seline I kept in my wallet, forcefully I might add.
“Cute girl, but way out of your league. Well, I finally understand the basis of your inferiority complex. No matter. Just go back to the prom night and rectify your error, will you? Safe journey”
WHISH, BHAM, BANG!
There were weird noises being made, and a flash of light which blinded my sight. Before I realized it, I was already at my old high school,evening.
“Wha, where am I?”
Tap tap
“Whoa!”
“Kyah!...Um, I’m sorry I startled you, I didn’t intend to.”
And there she was, all dolled up, but definitely not in her bridal dress.
“Hey, what’re you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with the groom right now?”
“And who might my groom be? You?” She looked at me with the twinkle in her eyes that will definitely melt anyone’s heart….Wait, isn’t this her dress for the prom night?
“Erm, Seline, where are we now? What time is it?”
She looked at me with her eyebrows raised, and she told me “Knocked your head or something? We’re at school, obviously. And I don’t have any watch with me right now, but I know we’ll be late if you stand here like a gargoyle.”
“Late? For what?”
She closed her eyes, sighed, and with her gentle hands, got a good hold of my head, closed the distance between her forehead and mine, and muttered so softly that I could barely hear her, “Doesn’t look like a fever. Don’t tell me you’re feeling nervous for the prom night, do you?” She let go of her hands, and whisper to my ears – I could felt her breath touching my ears – “ Don’t worry, if no one was to be your partner for today, you’ll just have to be mine for tonight.” And she turned her back on me right after she said that, ran to the entrance to our school, turned back to face me and bellowed to me “Come on, we’ll really be late for the dance at this rate!”
That was when memory hit me hard in my head. “Am I…No, I am at the prom night 5 years ago, the day when we partied and celebrated our graduation from high school. I’m sure of it!” And if memory serves me right, as I was hesitating on asking for her hand to the dance of the night, she was snatched from under my nose by another guy, who would be her fiancée and her husband.
“Wait up,” I bellowed to her. And she stood there, smiling, waiting for me.
I have decided, if this was a second chance bestowed to me by God, I might as well muster all my courage, and do the things which I was unable to do, which binds me to the sufferings of regret in the future, and asked her to be my partner for today.
I walked up to her – she was still waiting for me – and opened my mouth, but words just won’t come out. Instead, my mind was pondering upon other stuffs. Do I look ridiculous? Is my clothes crumpled? Does my breath smell? Am I blushing? And many more. Just then, my conscience gives me a big hard slap, and snapped out of my trance. Words can finally come out.
“Seline, um…do you, like, have any partner for the dance today? If you don’t mind, may I?” I offered her my hand, my heart racing as fast as a Thompson fired without stopping. My mind wanders again. Will she accept me? Won’t she accept me? Will she accept me? Won’t she accept me? I wonder how many times I asked myself those questions in the couple of milliseconds whilst I was waiting her reply. I could barely look and think straight. All I wanted to do was close my eyes, and wished I was invisible. And close my eyes I did.
It was then that I felt a certain warmth curling the hand I offered out. Slowly, I opened my eyes. A tiny opening in my left as I peeked at the source of the warmth, and both to see where it connects to. Seline, was holding my hand.
“Yup, let’s have a blast tonight, Tugg!” she said, beaming with delight, and her face was a little red as well. Is she blushing?
Yet, I was so flustered and edged that I hardly remembered anything after. I scarcely remembered dancing with her – did I embarrassed her with my two left feet? – and the rest of the prom. However, I do remember the highlight of the prom, the kiss under the blooming moon, as though heaven and earth is blessing us.
And then everything was blank. As I opened my eyes, I realized I was back at the church. The priest just gave Seline and her fiancée-turned-husband his blessing. Cheers were heard. Clapping was everywhere. Tears were flowing, tears of joy. But my heart was breaking. What just happened?
As though a respond to my question, time stopped itself. And the angel appeared before me.
“How was it? The dream. Fulfilled your wish didn’t it? No more regret?”
Tears rolled down my cheek, but I could neither speak nor utter a single word.
“Relax, boy. T’was all just an illusion. God took pity on you, as you will only break yourself if you allow those regrets well up in you. Your bitterness of 5 years will eventually wear you down, it is a good thing to discharge all those negative feeling. Don’t worry, you’re kind and strong. You’ll be able to accept the reality. Take care and goodbye”
“Why?”
“Excuse me?”
“Why. Why am I to suffer this terrible prank?”
The angel sighed. “This is not a prank, nothing malicious.”
“Then why?” I asked, raising my temper.
“Well, I’m quite glad you’re more in tune with your emotions now. But too much freedom is not a good thing too. Neutrality is the best. Remember that, boy. Now listen here. The anguish from the prom night 5 years ago, actually made you closed your heart to yourself. Remember how you actually thought of suicide when you saw Seline with current husband, and how you actually though of homicide at the church? Shame on you! But alas, the God is Almighty, as well as forgiving.
You blamed yourself for hesitating. And at this rate, you won’t take a step into the future. You will continue to be bounded by regret, and nothing good comes out of it. Don’t look at the past, but the future. The past will always remain, whether you like it or not. But it should never be something that puts you in a predicament. It should be a reference for the future. Never forget the past, yet don’t be caught up in them.
What has happened has happened. No amount of power can change that. Cry and wail as much as you like, because that it is normal. In fact, it means that you are still someone with an emotion, not a living zombie, with neither emotion nor reasoning. Be hurt, and feel it, for it proves that you are a human capable of love. For that is what love is – bittersweet.”
Besides, even if I have the power to place you in the past, you think you’ll be able to change this reality – she marrying another guy – just by being able to dance with her, eat with her, and kiss her? All in one night? NO! Marriages aren’t so simple. Each couple endures through a few challenges before they get married. And this couple is one blessed by the heavens itself. Well, the same might not apply to celebrity marriages, but that’s not the point here. What I’m trying to say is that, you won’t be able to alter the course of history in just one night.”
After listening to that entire lecture, I’ve finally understood. The world is shaped by each of us, by each of our action, our vivacity, our life. Be true to ourselves. Grasp the moment, when it is available to us, and not allow our hesitance to let it slip away from us. Be strong, be willful, and unrelenting. Because that, my dear friends, is life. Happiness will not appear just before you, and stay with you forever. It has to be searched for, fought for, and kept close to you.
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